Discordia I WIP

It´s much like "the present"...my current situation.

I felt like I cannot run from it until either him or me myself are dead. By now I think I´ll only be freed of it when I die, because it runs too deep already. Probably I´ll never find my true, own self-confidence, because I feel disgust about the lines and features in my face that resemble him, even if that´s rather unlikely...since I inherited moms looks. But I feel like it´s still there, his DNA of hate, that didn´t allow him to be honest with me once, not even now, that he´s gonna die, because the cancer is eating up his bodycells.

He told me he´s happy for me to do well on my studies..but it felt all fake, more like he was going to get friendly with me, know that he knows he´s gonna die. I was waiting like an eternity for these words...but this fake reason behind it made it all worse. That discord that grew starting from my 11 birthday and now it feels like he tore my heart out of my body again...no, maybe I never had one from the start...but then it doesn´t answer, why it hurts so much, that I won´t ever get a decent response or heartfelt word from him.

So the main theme was: "Please don´t let me feel anything anymore!"